It’s 2017, and everyone is excited about the new year. While scrolling through my news feed on Facebook, I seen that many people are upgrading to the newest cell phones, the newest computers, and the newest cars. I’ve asked myself recently in what ways do I want to upgrade this year. I can honestly tell you that I’m not interested in the newest technology, or the hottest trends. I want to upgrade by growing closer to the Lord, letting go of bad habits, and by having an even better marriage than ever before.

My goal is that all of you will have a better marriage too. So I’ve come up with a list of 5 ways to upgrade your marriage. If your marriage is struggling, these steps will help get you on the right track. If your marriage is already great, these steps will make it even better.

1) Pray with your spouse 

I once asked a group of married Christians to raise their hands if they frequently pray together. I was shocked when only one couple raised their hands. Praying together needs to become a priority in your marriage. My husband struggles with praying out loud, so often I lead the prayers and I’m okay with that. The most important thing is that we are taking time to thank God, praise God, and to pray against any attacks from the enemy. Praying with my husband has brought us closer together, and has turned some of the most stressful days into joyful ones. For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them (Matt 18:20).

2) Have fun with your spouse

I don’t care how old you are or how busy you are, make time to have fun with your spouse. Having fun doesn’t always require money. My husband and I have enjoyed playing cards together, chasing each other around the house with water guns, staying up real late like a bunch of teenagers, and being playful with one another. When we can afford it, we get out of the house and do fun things like going to the movies, going to football games, and taking vacations without the kids. So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life (Ecc 8:15).

3) Make love to your spouse

Sex is a gift from God. He designed it for a husband and wife to enjoy each other and to multiply the earth. Sadly, most married couples take this gift for granted. They become so busy, so tired from work, and so caught up with kids, that their sex life gets pushed to the side. If sex is lacking in your marriage, I encourage you to initiate it more, set time aside for intimacy (example: after a date night), and discuss with your spouse what’s keeping you from having a healthy sex life. Do not deprive one another (1 Cor 7:5).

4) Talk to your spouse

This seems like such simple advice, but I can remember back to when my husband and I had very little conversation. We mostly only talked about the kids, and before you knew it, I didn’t know anything my husband was interested in. Now every day we talk about our jobs, our hobbies, our goals, our family, and all that God is showing us. Without daily conversations, we lost our friendship. Learn to have meaningful conversations with your spouse, and your marriage will begin to grow. Let the words of my mouth be acceptable in your sight O Lord (Psalm 19:14). 

5) Encourage your spouse 

Nobody wants to hear about their weaknesses, failures, and past mistakes. That’s discouraging and doesn’t lead to anything good. If you want a better marriage, you have to learn how to uplift your spouse by the words you speak. Let your complaining turn into thankfulness. Let your negativity turn into positive words. Speak words that build up, encourage, show appreciation, and remind your spouse just how much you love him/her. Change your words, change your marriage. Encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thess 5:11). 

I hope you will take these 5 steps and apply them to your marriage this year, and remember this quote, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”-Unknown

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