A few months ago, I asked the couples in my class to write down a subject they would like for me to teach on related to marriage. I was shocked when I came across this answer: Husbands need to be clean so that the wife will want to be intimate. Although I agree with that statement, I would think that is just common sense. Lately, I’ve been wondering if there are some men who really are clueless to what turns a woman off. So I’ve come up with a short list below, in hopes that it will motivate husbands to try a little harder to impress their wives.
1). Uncleanliness
As much as I admire my husband for all of his hard work, he knows that I expect him to shower and change clothes afterwards. No woman wants to cuddle up to a man whose clothes smell of sweat and body odor. I grew up in my grandparents house, and I can still remember the many arguments my granny had with my grandpa about bathing regularly. She would always say to him, “I’m not laying in the bed with a stinky man.” It’s funny to think about it now, but I wonder why he wouldn’t take the time to do something so simple, that would have made my grandma so happy. There are other women who have expressed to me that they have dodged kisses because of bad breath, and turned down sex related to uncleanliness. So men make sure you shower, shave, brush your teeth, put on deodorant, and change clothes daily.
2) Laziness
Women want a husband who will keep a steady job, help around the house, help with the kids, and fix things when they need fixing. Now I know not every man is good at washing laundry, changing diapers, or fixing broken things, but just a little effort goes a long way. My husband doesn’t help around the house as much as I would like, but I rarely say anything because he works long hours. I believe in marriage it’s give and take. There are days that I’m so exhausted from work, and my husband does the cooking. Then there are days when he is so exhausted from work, and I do what needs to be done. Women be careful not to call a man lazy just because he watches TV for hours. Think about what kind of day he’s had at work. On the other hand, men don’t just sit around and let your wife handle everything, women need a break sometimes too.
3) Unrighteousness
I’m speaking from a Christian woman’s point of view when I say that sin is a turn off. I know that we all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God (Rom 3:23), but we should all be striving to become more like Christ. I’ve spoken with several women who are disgusted about their husband’s pride, drunkenness, pornography addiction, adulterous ways, drug addictions, etc. Now I always have and I always will encourage wives to love their husband despite their sins, but that doesn’t give them an excuse to keep on doing it. In fact, I compare it to our relationship with God. God loves us and accepts us just the way we are, but that shouldn’t make us want to keep on sinning. Because of His love and grace, we should want to do better and be better. In marriage, you should never abuse the love and grace your spouse gives to you. Instead, let that love motivate you to become the best husband and man you can be.
4) Greediness
When my husband and I first started dating, he had a major problem with greed. I’m not against women picking up the tab every once in a while, but there were times my husband would get himself a $6 meal and want me to eat off the dollar menu. For a long time I was scared to ask him for any money at all. It was such a turn off, especially when I had been with other guys who made me feel like what was theirs was also mine. I’m proud to say my husband isn’t like that anymore. He’s very generous with me now, and I feel like he would do anything for me within reasonable limits. My husband is great with finances and saving, so I’ve learned that now when he says “No” he’s just thinking about what’s best for our family. As a wife, I will gladly share with my husband all that I have, and I expect him to do the same with me. For God’s word says, it is more blessed to give than to receive. (Acts 20:35).
5) Poor Leadership Skills
It’s biblical that a man is supposed to be the head of his household. The head of a wife is her husband (1 Cor 11:3). But often times frustration comes when a woman feels as if her husband isn’t taking part in his role. There were times in my own marriage, that I didn’t trust my husband to lead our family. Mainly because his heart wasn’t where it needed to be with God. Eventually I learned that the best thing I could do was stop trying to control everything, and trust God to work on him. My husband has stepped up a lot! Not only is he making great financial decisions for our family, but he now goes to church regularly, prays out loud, and leads our family with the help of God. Although women struggle with wanting to be in control, deep down we want a husband that we know will lead our family in the right direction.
6) Disrespect
Over and over I hear about how much men need respect. And while that is very true, women need respect too. In the past, when my husband and I had some pretty heated arguments, he would call me out of my name. It was one of the biggest turn offs ever! Men make sure you don’t degrade your wife. Don’t curse at her, don’t call her names, and don’t embarrass her in public. And if someone else disrespects your wife, stand up for her. My husband is good about this. We have a teenage son that sometimes gets mouthy when told to do something. My husband always disciplines him for backtalking me. One of the best things we can do in marriage, is show our kids that we respect one another as husband and wife. Outdo one another in showing honor (Rom 12:10).
What is it that turns you off? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please comment below.
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