I became a mom when I was only 16 years old. Richie and I had been dating for a while, and although we weren’t planning on having kids before marriage, we didn’t do anything to prevent it. The day I became a parent, was the day I experienced a kind of love like never before. At the time, making my child my whole world and my top priority just seemed natural. But as years passed, and our family grew, making time for my husband became harder and harder and our marriage began to suffer.

A lot of women make the mistake of believing that being a good mom means they’re also good wife. Unfortunately, that’s not true. The truth is most moms become so obsessed with loving their kids, making time for their kids, and taking their kids to extracurricular activities, that they forget that their husband needs their love and attention too.

I was one of those moms. When my kids were little, I made the mistake of keeping them in the bed with me. In fact, my oldest son slept with me for years, which resulted in my husband making his new bed on the couch. It affected our closeness and our sexual intimacy. When my daughter was born she started doing beauty pageants. It started off as something fun and exciting, but ended up being something that consumed my thoughts and all of my time.

I remember thinking to myself Surely my husband admires me for all that I do for our kids, and how much I sacrifice to give them things I never had. And while it’s true he did admire me for all of that, deep down he was longing for me to pour just as much love and affection into our marriage, as I did into being a mom.

Richie and I never got to experience what marriage is like before having children, but in most marriages the husband and wife spend all of their time together, and continue their relationship as when they were dating. When a child comes along, it’s easy for all of that to get pushed aside. Life becomes busy, babysitters can be hard to find, and what used to be a romantic weekend, turns into soccer games and birthday parties.

The key to being a good wife and being a good mom is balance. First and foremost you have to make time for your husband. Outside of your relationship with God, your relationship with your husband should be your top priority. In the Bible God gave Eve to Adam for companionship, not a child. This can be hard to grasp for some moms, especially new ones. When I chose to start putting Richie before our kids, I struggled a little bit. It was difficult to explain to my 4-year-old little girl that me and daddy needed alone time, but it’s important for my marriage, and it will make an impact on her life more than she knows.

Currently, my kids are involved in sports, and we attend a lot of kid friendly activities, but I don’t neglect spending quality time with my husband, date nights, romantic getaways, or making my marriage my number one concern.

I know what it feels like to grow apart from your spouse. I know what it feels like to become so unbalanced in life that your marriage falls apart. And I know what it feels like when all your conversations with your husband are only about the children. I don’t want you to experience that. So please take my advice and remember that your role as a wife comes before your role as a mom.

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