“How could you do this to me? I didn’t deserve this!” Those are the words I said to my husband when I felt he had betrayed me. Betrayal means to hurt someone who trusts you by doing something morally wrong. To deceive them, mislead them, and violate their trust. Sadly, it’s often the ones we love the most who do this to us. Our spouse, friends, family, coworkers, or even a church member. Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me (Psalms 41:9). We are left feeling hurt, confused, angry, sad, and sometimes lonely. But nothing can compare to the betrayal Jesus experienced. Jesus was perfect, without sin, yet we know that Judas Iscariot handed him over to His enemies for money. Jesus knowing what would happen, still chose to sit down and dine with Judas. He offered him bread and wine, and kneeled down to wash his feet. I asked myself why would Jesus do that? It was because He knew it was God’s plan for Him to be crucified, and He knew the good that would come from His death and resurrection.

In our lives, God does the same thing. He works everything out for our good (Rom 8:28). When we question how others could betray us, we need to trust that sometimes God allows certain things to happen, to get us to our destiny. Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, but it was the first step to him becoming ruler over Egypt. David was deceived by Saul, but it was necessary for him to become King of Israel. Samson was tricked by Delilah, but God used the situation to give the Israelites victory over the Philistines. I felt the ultimate betrayal in my marriage when I found out my husband had been seeing another woman. He had been lying to me for months. Still to this day, I’m often reminded of his deceitfulness and it feels like someone punched me in the stomach. But then God reminds me of all the good that came from it. My husband and I were transformed into something pleasing to God. Our marriage was completely restored. We gained wisdom and knowledge, and the opportunity to teach it to others.  If an angel would have came to me over a year ago and said, “In order to have a happy marriage and become the woman God wants you to be, you’re going to have to agree to being cheated on, lied to, betrayed by the one you love, cry a lot of tears, and feel heartbroken for a long time.” Do you think I would have said, “Yes! Sign me up!” No, I think my answer would have been much different.

So then how should we respond to someone who betrays us? When it could be the exact circumstance God will use to mature us? First of all, it’s not our place to get revenge. Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the Lord and He will avenge you (Prov 20:22). Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and everyone else (1 Thess 5:15). Secondly, don’t bear a grudge. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself…(Lev 19:18). Lastly, overcome evil with good. …Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28). 

When my husband was betraying me, he did not go unpunished. He lost his job two weeks before Christmas, his car broke down, which cost a lot of money to get fixed, and he failed a very important test he needed to pass. I believe God was avenging me! For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil (1 Peter 3:12). Once Richie confessed his sins to me and to God, everything started going good for him and for our marriage.

If you have been betrayed by someone very close to you, and are experiencing feelings similar to mine, I encourage you to forgive, love, and pray for the person who hurt you. I know it’s not easy, but according to God’s word it’s what you must do. It don’t mean the pain will immediately go away, or that you won’t ever think about it again, but it means you are choosing to be the better person and allow Christ to shine through you. Maybe you feel the need to punish that person. Maybe you think they deserve to feel the way you felt. But again I tell you, the consequences for their actions are not up to you to decide. We all have sinned and been saved by grace, so let’s extend that grace even to the ones who have betrayed us and hurt us the worst.

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