Last week I wrote about the horrible argument my husband and I had on our anniversary. We were so upset with one another that we didn’t go out to dinner, or stay in Atlanta like we had planned. I slept in our bed alone that night, and he slept in our son’s bed. We both were angry, and too prideful at the time to say I’m sorry.
The next morning was a Sunday, and usually I would be headed to church to teach a marriage class. Thankfully I had someone fill in for me. I was definitely in no state of mind to tell wives to be respectful to their husbands, when clearly my actions went against everything I teach. I had a moment of weakness, but God’s word says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”(2 Cor 12:9). I spent some time praying to God and asking for forgiveness, but still I was letting my emotions control me instead of me controlling them.
Later that day after visiting with my mom, I felt a little better. I went home and waited on my husband to return from his walk with a good friend. Anytime I get mad at Richie, or focus on the things I don’t like about him, I immediately ask God to soften my heart and change my perspective. Sometimes it happens instantly, and sometimes it takes a while. I really can’t explain the change that takes place, but I go from wanting to punish him, to wanting to show him love and grace. I know that it is the Holy Spirit working through me. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…(Eph 5:22).
As I sat on the couch watching him in the kitchen, I knew it was time to kiss and makeup. I was ready to talk things out and come to some type of agreement. I went up to him and gave him a kiss and told him that I was proud of him for accomplishing one of his goals. (He walked 6 miles that day). Then I asked him if we could talk. We both apologized to each other and were able to get our points across without yelling. We felt so foolish for what had happened. We realized that even though we had grown a lot in our marriage, we’re still far from perfect. No one is perfect, and therefore no one will ever have a perfect marriage. And you can’t promise your spouse that you’ll never have an argument again, but you can promise to your spouse that you’ll never stay mad at him/her. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses (Matt 6:15).
If we’re wise we can allow conflict to teach us a lesson, and help us grow. Of course I don’t like fighting with my husband, but I love the making up part! (makeup sex is sometimes the best). Here’s some tips for resolving an argument with your spouse:
- Be willing to say “I’m sorry.” first (even if your spouse started the fight)
- Remember your spouse is not your enemy
- A joke is a great way to turn away anger
- Be sincere about your apology
- Be specific about why you’re sorry (ex: I’m sorry for being disrespectful)
- Touch your spouse, either by holding hands or a pat on the back.
- Pray! (It’s hard to stay mad at someone you’re praying with)
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! Please follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram by clicking the follow icons below. Feel free to contact me with any questions for concerns by email Rachel@transformedwife.com