Yesterday my husband and I had the privilege to minister to hundreds of people at a local event called JFEST. At our booth we gave out tips for marriage, free t-shirts, and information about our ministry. Many people stopped by, and there was one question that was asked the most, “What does it mean to be transformed?” Well of course I gave the most simple answer I could. I said, “To allow God to change you into the husband or wife He called you to be, according to His word.” But that’s definitely not a simple command, and the changes it takes to get there can be different for everyone.

If you want to be transformed and have a transformed marriage, there’s one major step you have to take first. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun, but it will change your life forever. I know because it did mine. You have to hold a mirror up to yourself, and ask God to show you everything about you that is not Christ like. To take all your focus off your spouse’s flaws, and focus on your own flaws. To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph 4:22-24). When I did this, God showed me that towards my husband, I was selfish, disrespectful, unloving, self righteous, prideful, and judgemental. As a christian, I knew none of those things are the fruit of the spirit; so I cried out to God begging him to change me. I’ve heard the saying, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” That is so true! If we want to see our marriage transformed, we have to be willing to make some changes in our own lives. For some it may be the things I listed above. For others it may be dealing with pornography, adultery, drunkenness, drug addiction, dishonesty, greed, idolatry, etc. Whatever it is, through CHRIST your sins can be washed away and you can become a new creation.

Now some of you may be thinking, “What if I change and my spouse doesn’t?” Well that’s where a lot of prayer and obedience comes in. You can’t change your spouse, but you definitely can motivate him/her to change…even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives (1 Peter 3:1-2). Fortunately in my situation, my husband noticed changes in me within a couple of weeks, and it was enough to make him want to turn from his sinful ways for good. But I know there are men and women out there who’s heart is very hardened and they are unwilling to change right now. If you’re in that circumstance, I encourage you to pray for your spouse, stay committed to your marriage, and show unconditional Christ like love. You do your part, and trust God to do the rest. (If abuse is involved or you feel your life is in danger, please remove yourself from that environment and seek help).

I wish I could tell you that you only have to confront your sinful ways once, but this is actually a daily process. God’s word says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23). That means that we have to die to our fleshy desires daily and choose to follow God. I’m not perfect by no means, but I definitely am a transformed wife, and I definitely have a transformed marriage. To God be all the Glory!

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