When people hear the word adultery, they automatically conclude that a spouse had sex with someone outside of the marriage, but adultery can be much more than just a physical act. JESUS said so in Matthew 5:28, “But I tell you that anyone that looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
If you were to ask my husband what’s one of the most hurtful things I’ve done to him since we’ve been married, I’m sure he would tell you about the time I started liking a teacher at my son’s school. When my oldest son was in pre-k, I took him to school a lot, picked him up, and went to many of his class events. There was this one teacher that was young and I found attractive. He always told me good morning and smiled when he seen me. Now I’m sure it was part of his job to make the families feel welcome to the school, but at the time I thought he was flirting with me. My marriage was in a good place, but due to Richie working a lot, I didn’t always get the attention from him I wanted. I started looking forward to seeing this man and started enjoying him noticing me when I walked by.
One day I got curious and wanted to find out more about him. I started looking on the school website and on Facebook. I wanted to know his name and if he was married. I knew in my heart I could never physically cheat on Richie again (like I did before we were married), but the devil wanted me to believe that what I was doing was innocent. On the last day of school, my son had an awards ceremony. I was sad that summer was coming and I would no longer get to see the teacher I had a crush on. I wanted to make one last good impression before the break, so I put on a sexy dress, fixed my hair, and put on makeup. Before leaving that day, I made sure I caught his eyes several times. When we got back in the car I started feeling conviction from the Holy Spirit. I said to my mom, “I feel really bad and I need to repent.” She said, “Why honey? What did you do?” After I told her she said, “There’s nothing wrong with you thinking another man is attractive, but you should have never did any of those other things.” I knew in my heart I had let my thoughts go too far. I had imagined what it would be like to kiss him, hug him, and have sex with him. I imagined he was a good man, a man that probably went to church every Sunday and loved the Lord.
A few days later I was shocked when my husband confronted me about the situation. My 4 year old son had attentively listened to me and my mom’s conversation, and he went back and told his dad everything. Richie was so hurt! He accused me of lying, having sex with this man, and more. It left him believing that he wasn’t good enough for me, and that one day I would leave him for someone else. I apologized and begged for his forgiveness, but he felt betrayed, confused, and heartbroken. It was never my intentions to make him feel that way, but I was so selfish I didn’t think about how my actions would effect my marriage and effect my husband.
For years after all this happened, Richie would bring it up in arguments. He remained insecure about our marriage, and continued to accuse me of having sexual relations with that teacher. He was convinced that I wanted a white man (since that man was white), and that I was not satisfied with him as a husband.
The reason I’m sharing this story with you is because I want to warn you! Most husbands and wives don’t just wake up one day and say, “I’m going to commit adultery.” No, it starts with someone showing you a little extra attention when your spouse isn’t, flirting in the workplace, a funny text that leads to more texts, a friendly business lunch, sharing your marital problems with someone of the opposite sex, and a time when the devil knows you’re most vulnerable. Times when your marriage seems rocky, the devil when send someone to pay you a compliment, or pick up your tab, or take interest in your interests. One small act of kindness from someone else can lead you into a fantasy land where you”ll be led to believe there’s someone better out there for you. It’s one of Satan’s best tricks!! Be aware! He will tempt you! …Be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be temped beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it (1 Cor 12b, 13).
One man was asked what his definition of cheating was. I love his reply! He said, “It’s anything I wouldn’t do if my wife was standing right beside me.” So ask yourself this, “Is there anything I’m doing in my marriage right now that I wouldn’t do with my spouse by my side? With God by my side?
If you answered yes, then I encourage you to pray for God’s forgiveness, confess your sins to your spouse, and turn from whatever you’re doing. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed… (James 5:16).
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