Whether or not you want to admit it, sex is a BIG part of your marriage. Sex creates intimacy, oneness, pleasure, memories, fun, and so much more. I don’t know about you, but I personally can’t stand when something is interfering with my sex life. For that reason, I felt led to write a 3 part series to deal with the sexual issues we face in marriage.
I can remember back to when I was in nursing school and I had to go to the health department for some vaccinations. The nurse asked me if I was having any health issues and I replied, “Well for some reason I just don’t have a sex drive anymore.” At the time I was only 20 years old. so it didn’t make sense that I didn’t have any desire to have sex with my husband. The nurse replied, “Well considering you’re in nursing school, and that can be pretty stressful, I think it’s just due to stress.” Thinking about that comment now, I wonder how many other husbands and wives are dealing with a decreased sex drive due to stress.
Stress isn’t the only thing that can affect your sex drive; it can be affected by physical illness, lack of sleep, working long hours, depression, your age, and I believe even unforgiveness. Just last week my husband and I had a discussion about this because we both have been working long hours, and letting it affect our sex drive. We don’t want our sex life to be put on the back burner, so we both agreed to try harder and we have stuck to our commitment. If you are dealing with a low sex drive, and you feel like your sex life is falling apart, I want to encourage you to take these 3 steps:
1. Find the problem and fix it
It’s important that you figure out what’s causing you to have a low sex drive and fix the problem. If it’s work, maybe you can cut back your hours or change your schedule. If you’re physically ill, seek medical help. If it’s because of your age, there are things you can do or take to boost your sex drive. If it’s because you’re so busy being a parent, get a babysitter and have alone time with your spouse. And of course don’t forget to pray! Yes you can pray about your sex life, God created sex. Do whatever you have to do because your marriage is worth it and sex is important.
2. Act in Love
Often times I hear people say, “I’m not having sex because I don’t feel like it.” Well maybe you would feel like it if you did other things that are actions of love. I’m talking about hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, rubbing, spending quality time together, etc. If you’re sitting in your bedroom and your husband is in the living room, most of the time you aren’t just going to think about having sex. But if you actually make the effort to go and spend time with him, give him a hug and a kiss, and cuddle up against him while watching a movie, then I bet you’ll see an increase in your sex drive. In fact, when my husband and I decided to fight for our marriage, we were doing all those things I just mentioned and we were in the mood for sex like every day. Try it and see!
3. Have sex anyways
Even if you’re sex drive is low, you shouldn’t stop having sex with your spouse. The Bible says, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control (1 Cor. 7:3-5). When we don’t fulfill our spouse’s sexual needs, he/she can be tempted to watch pornography, masturbate, or even commit adultery. Now I’m not saying that anyone has an excuse to do those things, but one of the best ways we can protect our marriage is by doing our part as a husband or wife.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! If you would like to become a financial supporter and help us reach even more marriages, please go to the donate section listed on the menu. All donations are tax-deductible and will go towards helping others learn God’s design for marriage.