It was the morning after Valentine’s Day, and I had just gotten out of bed from a long restless night. We were still in Atlanta with plans to head back home that day. I had tossed and turned all night trying to make sense of everything my husband had told me. I felt many different emotions, I was sad, depressed, hurt, and confused. I felt some anger, but not towards my husband. I was angry at the other woman. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that she got in the car with a married man and drove all the way to Atlanta with him, knowing his wife and kids were at home. I thought to myself, “Who does that?” Who starts a relationship with someone that’s already taken? A true woman would have more respect for herself, and tell that man that he needs to end things with his wife before approaching her.” I wanted so bad to message her and tell her a little piece of my mind, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. That isn’t me. I’m not the type of person that feels joy from putting other people down, from pointing out their mistakes, and making them feel shameful for their actions. The Bible teaches us not to judge others. James 4:12 says, There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? I just had to remind myself that I couldn’t change what had happened and reaching out to her would only cause more damage and bring her back into our marriage.

After packing our things we headed out to get breakfast at IHOP but I still wasn’t hungry. My stomach had been unsettled the entire weekend. I just wanted it all to go away; the thoughts, the feelings, the sickness, and the reality of the truth. As I sat across the table from my husband, I reached out and grabbed his hands. I looked into eyes and told him how much I loved him. He knew I wasn’t ok but I forced a few bites of food in my mouth to at least make it look that way. I wanted to be strong. I restrained the tears from coming out of my eyes. It all seemed unfair to me. He was over her, she was probably over him, and I was stuck with the aftermath of the storm. I was mentally and physically exhausted and I was tired, tired of all the lies.

As we traveled home, I spent my time researching. I studied many different things about affairs; what causes them, how they affect relationships, and how to move forward in your marriage once it’s happened. I was determined that I was not going to live in the past and that I would do whatever it would take to get over the affair. I knew that God would be by my side every step of the way guiding me and helping me through every obstacle. I planned on continuing loving my husband and being the best wife to him no matter how I felt. Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Once we made it back to our hometown, Richie dropped me off at our friend’s house where we had left my car. I was so glad to get back home and to finally have a chance to call my mom. When she answered the phone I just started letting it all out. Every tear, every heartache, and everything I was feeling inside. I cried out to her, “Momma!” This hurts so bad! I’ve never felt this kind of pain before! I can’t take it! I just need God to make it go away!” I cried for a long time as if someone died. I guess someone did die. The old Rachel died and I became a new person. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was God’s plan. He used my husband’s infidelity to break me, to test my faith, to bring me to a place of desperation, and then he created a beautiful thing. He created a new me! Although I felt empty inside, I was made whole. Everything that God instilled in me from my mother’s womb was coming to the surface like never before; strength, forgiveness, wisdom, virtue, love, and compassion. Everything that the devil tried to use to harm me, God used it to transform me!

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Cor-3:18 

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