My husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 11 of those years. I wish I could say that we have perfected this thing called marriage, but you and I both know there’s no such thing. However, I can say that because of everything we have been through, and everything we have overcome together, our marriage is not easily broken.
Two weeks ago we hosted a marriage conference with that exact name, “Not Easily Broken”. I was able to share with the couples some things the Lord revealed to me that will keep a marriage strong, and now I want to share them with you all.
1) Put God at the center of your marriage
Even as Christians my husband and I struggled for many years because we really didn’t make God the center of our marriage. We didn’t study God’s Word on how to be a husband and wife, and how to love, honor and cherish one another. We also didn’t pray together, and therefore we didn’t have a strong foundation.
In the Bible it says: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house upon the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash” (Matt. 7:24-27).
It’s one thing to go to church every Sunday and hear God’s Word, or read your Bible every day, but if you are not applying it to your life and to your marriage you will not have a strong foundation.
2) You need the right mindset
When I was fighting to save my marriage, I knew the first thing I had to do was ask God to transform my mind. Romans 12:2 says “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God, His good pleasing and perfect will.”
This is why this ministry is called Transformed Wife because God gave me a new mindset and transformed me as a wife. It was like a blindfold had been lifted off of my eyes and I could finally view my husband and my marriage with the right perspective. Some of you may be struggling in your marriage because you have the wrong mindset, and what you think leads to what you say and how you act.
3) You have to be willing to look in the mirror
If you want to have a strong marriage that is not easily broken, you must ask yourself this question, “How can I change to become a better spouse?” The problem is many of us are too busy looking at our spouse’s imperfections and mistakes that we forget to look in the mirror and examine our own lives. My Pastor was teaching on marriage recently, and on the stage he had a mirror and a magnifying glass. He challenged us to stop looking at our spouses with a magnifying glass, but to look at ourselves in the mirror.
Did you know that studies show that if you want someone to change the best way to motivate that person is to change yourself first? There is actually a Bible Scripture to back this up: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1).
This is what happened in my own marriage; as God began to transform me as a wife, my husband seen the changes in me and he was motivated to change too.
4) You must learn what true love is
Many of us grew up watching Disney movies or we spend time now watching the Hallmark channel and we get this false representation of what true love is. Sorry to burst your bubble but it’s not all about butterflies, fairy tales, and living happily ever after. That’s a fantasy world and in the real world you will have trouble. Jesus even warned us of this but told us not to fear because He had overcome the world. Real love isn’t always easy, and you don’t always feel like kissing, hugging, or even being intimate with your spouse. This is why we must learn to love like Christ loves. With the kind of love that sees the best even in the worst circumstances. The kind of love that gives 100% even when you’re only getting 20% in return. The kind of love that won’t give up even when times get rough. We must love in a way that makes us more Holy than happy.
Think about Jesus, He loved us while we were yet sinners. He never gives up on us. He pursues a relationship with us and blesses us even though we have been sinful and disobedient. Some would call this type of love foolish, but to God it’s glorifying.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in the evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).
5) Forgive easily
My husband and I both had to learn to forgive each other for all the horrible things we had said and done. It wasn’t easy but it was required. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God forgave you” (Eph.4:32).
No matter how great your relationship is, your spouse is going to say or do something that will disappoint you, and you have to be willing to forgive his or her mistakes.
6) Let the past go
After you have forgiven your spouse for something you should not bring it back up again. Let it go! Just like God says He casts our sins as far as the East is from the West, we must do the same in our marriages. The longer you hold unto the past the more it will weigh you down.
“Forget the former things of the past, do not dwell on the past, see I am doing a new thing” (Isa.43:18-19).
7) Be united
The Bible says a house divided cannot stand. It’s so important to have unity in your marriage and strive to be more as one each day. I believe that nothing is impossible for a couple that has one mind and one accord.
8) Make your marriage a priority
Don’t become so busy in life that you stop dating your spouse. Make sure you are planning date nights, spending quality time together, communicating, and meeting each other’s emotional and sexual needs. This helped our marriage tremendously during our restoration.
9) Take divorce off the table
Decide today that you will no longer let divorce be an option. Do whatever it takes to make your marriage work and stop threating to leave your spouse every time your marriage gets hard. How would you feel if God threatened to leave you every time you messed up? Instead of trying to find a way out of your marriage, I encourage you to get excited knowing that you get to spend the rest of your life with your spouse. You can have a great marriage that lasts a lifetime!
I believe if you apply these principles to your marriage, your relationship will be “Not Easily Broken” and it will become stronger each day.
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecc. 4:12).
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! Make sure you follow me on Facebook and check out our latest events coming up! As always feel free to message me with prayer requests or questions. God bless!