How does it make you feel when your spouse stares at someone of the opposite sex right in front of you? It makes me feel awful! I believe it’s one of the most disrespectful things you can do to your partner. I’m not talking about just a casual glance and then turning your head, I’m talking about staring someone down; making an effort to examine every part of their body. Usually it’s men that have this problem, but some women do it too. For my husband, his excuse is always, “I can’t help it, men are just visual creatures.” Although I agree that men are very visual, I know that through God they can learn self-control. For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age (Titus 2:11-12).

One night Richie and I made plans to take the kids to do something fun. We drove up the mountain to Ruby Falls so they could experience the inside of a cave. We all had such a good time. Afterwards we were trying to decide where to eat at. My husband mentioned this place called Champy’s Chicken. He said their food was incredible and it was only minutes away, so we went there. After arriving, I could already tell it wasn’t my type of restaurant. The women were dressed like Hooter’s girls. They had on short shorts and low cut shirts that showed the top of their breasts. I couldn’t believe my husband had picked this restaurant and thought I would be ok with it. Honestly, I don’t like my husband eating at places that use sexy young girls to promote their food by himself, and I definitely didn’t approve of him taking me to a place like that! Before we even got waited on, I noticed him checking out multiple women. Sometimes I wonder if knows how well I can see from the corner of my eye. Or that I’m smart enough to know he only walks slower than me to be able to stare at women without me knowing. It’s like I have eyes in the back of my head, because sometimes I can feel him turning around to catch a glimpse of another woman’s butt.

I was so upset that night I barely had an appetite. I didn’t talk much on the way home, and I went straight to bed as soon as we got there. I know my husband loves me and he didn’t want to be with those women, but I felt I should be the only woman who his eyes were fixated on. I couldn’t sleep good so I decided to write him a note explaining how he had made me feel. Part of the letter read:

I feel like what you did was so disrespectful to me! You don’t just look, you STARE! You make no effort to control yourself. It makes me wonder, if you will do all this in front of me, what will you do behind my back? It’s to the point I hate going out in public with you. I don’t know if you’re lusting after those women, but if you are that’s wrong. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt 5:28). I know you’re intentions aren’t to hurt me, but you do. It’s like you’re constantly looking for something better than me. Sometimes I just want to say to you, “If you think you can find something better, then go ahead and try!” But I know that’s not the right attitude to have. You have a problem and I will pray about it. I’ve never stared at men the way you do women. If I see a handsome man I actually turn my head because I think to myself, “What’s the point of staring? That’s not my husband. That’s not anyone I’m going to have contact with. I will never see that person again.” 

After Richie read the letter he was very remorseful. He was sorry that his actions hurt me and made me feel insecure. He gave me a big hug, kissed me, and apoligized. Since then my husband has gotten much better. I rarely ever see him look at other women in my presence. I have prayed for him and asked God to help him flee from temptation. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability…(1 Cor 10:13). 

I’m a very attractive woman and I’ve  always been confident in who I am, but the devil will easily try to use situations like this to make me feel insecure. He wants me to believe I’m not good enough for my husband and I never will be. I know I don’t have the biggest butt, or huge boobs, but I do have a huge heart that’s full of CHRIST, and that should mean more to my husband than any of those other things. I pray Richie will see me through God’s eyes…”For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Sam 16:7).

If this is something you are dealing with in your marriage, then I encourage you to explain to your spouse how it makes you feel. Be completely open and honest so they can understand your point of view. Pray for your spouse and with your spouse regarding this area, and God will begin to work.

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