As I laid in my bed last week feeling emotional, I just knew deep down in my soul, that my husband and I were about to face another obstacle in our marriage. Fear began to consume me, until my mind knew exactly what I had to do. I had to give it all to God. I had to give Him my doubts, my worries, and my concerns. Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). I felt as if my husband was still being dishonest about his past, but I knew that I had to trust God to work on His heart, and to reveal anything that needed to be exposed.

The next day my husband confessed to me a secret he had been hiding since the first year of our marriage. He hoped he’d never have to tell me, or that I’d never find out, but he was convicted by the Holy Spirit to do the right thing. My heart was shattered when he confessed his sin, and I was in disbelief that once again I was dealing with an issue that turned my whole world upside down.

Many of you know that Richie and I have overcome a lot in our marriage, including infidelity. But what you don’t know, is that from 2014 until now, many secrets from his past have been brought to the light. He reveals deep and hidden things (Dan 2:22). Although his past mistakes have caused me great emotional pain and sorrow, I continue to stay committed to my marriage. You may be wondering why I choose to love a man who repeatedly wounds me and who’s lied to me more than I can count, so let me explain why:

1) My husband is not the man he used to be. Richie has not only rededicated his life to Christ, but he has taken necessary steps to becoming a better person, and a better husband. He now attends church regularly, prays out loud for me and our family, and studies on how to become a godly leader for our home. He’s given me full access to all of his social media accounts, keeps me informed of his schedule, and has given up bad habits that could hinder our relationship. He realizes that it was wrong for him to withhold the truth from me for so long, and he has asked for my forgiveness. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come… (2 Cor 5:17).

2) My #1 goal in life is to please God. After much prayer and seeking the Lord, I know without a doubt, divorce is not God’s plan for my life. To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband (1 Cor 7:10). I know the Bible gives the exception when adultery has been committed, but God has never forsaken me in my weakness, and I will not forsake my husband. This whole process has taught me so much about being the wife God desires me to be, but more importantly than that, it’s made me more holy. I now understand how God loves me despite my transgressions, failures, and disobedience. Now I want to love my husband in the same way because I know it pleases the Lord.

3) I want to help others. God has called me to teach husbands and wives His design for marriage. To help them learn how to love their spouses the way CHRIST loves the church. By forgiving, by serving, and by persevering even when times get tough. Now I will admit that I have wanted to give up many times (even recently); times when the pain seemed unbearable, the thoughts too tormenting, and the future too uncertain. I’ve had to ask God for faith that our marriage can still stand after taking so many hits. The spirit of God is within me and guides me to continue on the right path. May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s life and Christ’s perseverance (2 Thess 3:5). I am thankful that God’s given me the opportunity to minister to others through this blog, through our couple’s class at church, and by many other ways. I know our testimony has given others hope and inspiration that their marriage too can survive the times of testing.

4) I’m not letting the devil win. I know how much joy it would give satan to destroy my marriage. I’m sure he would be laughing the moment we signed our divorce papers, the moment our kids were affected by our decision, and the moment my ministry became nothing but a memory. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…(John 10:10). He hates that God restored our marriage, he hates that we’re giving God glory through our testimony, and he hates that we’re setting an example of what marriage should be according to scripture. He has tried to attack my marriage in every possible way. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the power of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Eph 6:12). The devil is defeated and he will not hold me down, because greater is He that’s in me than he that’s in the world (1 John 4:4). 

I pray that if you’re considering giving up on your marriage today, you will allow God to give you the strength and spiritual wisdom you need to persevere too.

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