I’ve lived in my home for 10 years now, and thankfully I’ve had the privilege of getting to know all the families in my neighborhood. Over the years, my friendship with one of the dads had become pretty close. But a year ago, I realized that opposite sex friendships can be a danger to any marriage.

Back in 2014, my marriage was falling apart, and it was no secret to my male friend. In fact, he quickly became my go to person when I needed someone to talk to. I can remember getting home from a stressful day at work, and there he would be outside working in the yard, or playing with his kids. It was so convenient to just walk up to the fence and start a  conversation about kids, life, and relationships. He’s a knowledgeable guy, and he had been through a lot in his previous marriage that I could relate to.

One evening I asked him if he and his kids would like to join us for a fall festival. I’ve always enjoyed fall festivities, but I could never get my husband to go with me. When we arrived at the church, I noticed he had fixed his hair and had on a nice shirt, and I wondered if he was trying to impress me. We had a great night hanging out as friends, but deep down I knew that the attention and closeness I enjoyed from him was not appropriate. I remember saying to him on the hayride, “Thank you for coming! Richie would never do anything like this with me.” Although that statement was true, it was not his place to make up where my husband lacked.

As the months went on, he and I continued our conversations in the yard, along with occasional texts and phone calls, but nothing inappropriate was ever said. In my eyes, he was just a great friend that would have done anything for me, but later on I learned that he viewed things a little differently.

When Richie and I decided to stay together instead of separating, I let my friend know. He encouraged me to work things out with Richie, but made the comment, “If you two would have separated, I was going to try to date you.”

I should have told Richie what he said, but I knew he would have asked me to stay away from him, and I didn’t want to lose his friendship, even if he was attracted to me.

After our marriage was completely restored, I began feeling convicted about my closeness with the neighbor. There had been times I was all dressed up for an occasion, and I wanted him to see me that way. There were days I needed to borrow something, and I would end up sitting at his house for an hour just talking. I opened up to him in ways a married woman never should. And because God designed men to want to fix everything, I believe he just wanted to say or do whatever he could to fix my problems.

One day I went over his house to speak with his mom but she wasn’t there. Instead of leaving, I stayed to talk. The Holy Spirit convicted me and I thought to myself, “How would I feel if Richie was at another woman’s house having a conversation with her?” And I knew if the roles were reversed, I would be highly upset. So I went home and asked Richie how he felt about my friendship with the neighbor. He replied, “I don’t feel comfortable with you going over there talking to him unless his mom or someone else is home.” Our marriage was doing great and I didn’t want to compromise that, so I limited my visits to just when I had to get one of the kids from his house.

One night my husband woke me from my sleep and began yelling. He had been going through my phone, and he was very upset after reading the texts from me and my friend. Although they were all only about the kids or just day to day stuff, he felt as if the two of us had some kind of emotional connection. I was willing to do anything to be a better wife, so I explained to my neighbor that out of respect to my husband, we could not be “close” friends. He understood, and I know I made the right choice.

I’m not telling you that you can’t ever have opposite sex friendships if you’re married. In fact, I still talk to males at work, church, through business, through my ministry, etc., but you have to set boundaries! Most affairs start by innocent friendships. The time I got close to my male friend, I was so lonely and vulnerable, I may have been tempted to sin had he ever made a move.

If this is something you’re dealing with in your marriage, then check out this list of boundaries to keep with opposite sex friendships:

1) Never be alone together

2) Don’t plan outings together (dinner, movies, etc).

3) Never send inappropriate texts, photos, etc.

4) Never talk about your marriage problems

5) Dress modest around each other

6) Don’t flirt!

7) Be willing to break off the friendship if it’s causing a threat to your marriage

8) Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want your spouse to do

Do to others as you would have them do to you (Luke 6:31).

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