For six months now I’ve shared with others my testimony of how God restored my marriage, I’ve taught biblical principles that I know will help strengthen any relationship, and I’ve counseled others struggling in their own marriage. Thinking back, there’s one question I’ve been asked the most. Everyone wants to know how they can learn to trust again. I’ve been asked things like, “How do I know he won’t cheat again? How can I ever trust someone who did that to me? How can I believe anything she says?” All those are tough questions, but there is an answer. But first let’s learn what trust really means.

Trust is the firm belief in the character, strength, or truth of someone or something. It’s having confidence or reliance on the integrity and ability of someone. To believe that a person is good, honest, and will not harm you.

One of the most wonderful feelings in the world is when you know you can trust someone. Whether it be your spouse, family member, friend, or coworker. Sadly, those are often the people who break our trust the most. I’ve always heard the saying, “If you don’t have trust in your relationship, then it’s no relationship at all.” Well I disagree with that statement. After everything me and my husband have been through, I’d be lying if I told you I completely trust him, but slowly that trust is being rebuilt day by day. But I want to share with you what’s more important than trusting your spouse, what our focus should be more on, and that’s trusting God.

In marriage there’s no 100% guarantee your spouse won’t lie to you again, cheat on you again, or break their promise they made to you. Only God the father knows the answer to that. You have to learn to trust God even when you can’t trust your spouse. Trust that He wants the best for you and your marriage. Trust that he’s working on the heart of your husband or wife. Trust that He can change your situation around. Trust that if you stay committed to your marriage, God will honor that. Trust that if your spouse is deceiving you, God will reveal it. Trust that God can restore your marriage to better than ever before. Trust that even if your spouse hurts you again, God will be there by your side. Trust that you can get through anything in your marriage and in this life by keeping your eyes upon Him.

A few months before my husband and I went through the hardest part of our marriage, I had a spiritual dream. In my dream I was driving through the desert. I stopped in the middle where there was a mountain top. I seen a lion and a bear coming down from the mountain in towards my car. The bear started to break through the window to get to me. I immediately tried to open my car door to escape. Then I remembered how God closed the mouth of the lions in the den where Daniel laid, so I sit back in my seat and I said, “God, I trust you. I know that you can spare me from this bear and save my life.” Then the bear just laid down on my shoulder and caused no harm to me. I woke up from my sleep and began crying. I prayed to God, “Lord, this is the kind of trust you want me to have. God often we try to run away from our problems, but you want us to sit back and trust that you are in control.” There’s been times in my marriage I wanted to run, but instead I learned to trust God.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).

Those who know your name trust in you, for you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you (Psalm 9:10).

Once you’ve learned to trust God, you can begin rebuilding trust in your spouse. Here are some areas you can improve on in your marriage:

Trust that your spouse will

• Love you
• Be faithful
• Protect you
• Be honest
• Keep their promises
• Openly communicate with you
• Make you priority over all things except God
• Never abandon you
• Have your best interest at heart

If you are the one who has broken the trust I encourage you to ask for forgiveness and show true remorse for your actions. Be open about everything to your spouse. Let them know things like where you’re  going, who you will be with, and what time you will be home. Let them know you have nothing to hide by taking off pass codes on your phone, and giving them access to your email and social media accounts. Always tell the truth even about small things that you don’t think matter (if you lie about little things your spouse will think your lying about big things). Be reliable by showing up when you say you will, and doing what you’ve promised to do. Make it known that you want to build their trust back.

If you are the one who’s trust has been broken, first and foremost you have to grant forgiveness. Be willing to let them regain trust by letting your guard down. Communicate to them what behaviors cause you to doubt. Be understanding and not so harsh (sometimes the way we respond makes them scared to tell us the truth). Thank them for when they are open and honest.

My husband and I both do the things listed above and it has made a huge difference in our marriage. Daily we strive to trust God and each other more. I pray that you and your spouse will do the same.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! Good News, you can now follow me on Twitter @transformdwife and also on Facebook at www.facebook.com/transformed wife Please check out the events tab to learn more about classes and my upcoming Marriage Conference!