Recently my husband came down with a bad upper respiratory infection. For about a week he was sneezing, coughing, having headaches, and just not feeling well. I was sympathetic towards him, but I have to admit I was frustrated for other reasons. It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t get too close to him. That meant no hugs, no kissing, and NO SEX! Now years ago when our marriage was falling apart, we would go months without sexual intimacy. But now we have a very active sex life, and I don’t want anything interrupting that.
During that time I got to thinking to myself, “I wonder how many married couples have a sex life that’s suffering do to sickness?” We’re young and we haven’t faced a lot of health problems, but I know many others who have. And of course sickness isn’t the only thing that can affect a sex life. There’s so many other issues like having kids, depression, insecurities, work, busy schedules, aging, unresolved conflict, past experiences, etc. While some may believe it’s okay to put sex on the back burner, I believe couples need to do whatever they can to maintain a healthy, enjoyable sex life. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time… (1 Cor 7:40).
When our kids was little I had a bad habit of letting them sleep in the bed with me. My husband would get upset that they were always in our bed, so he started sleeping on the couch. We both got used to not sleeping together at night, and it affected our sex life greatly. My sister gave me some great advice once. She said, “Don’t ever let your husband sleep on the couch. Even if he falls asleep there, wake him up and ask him to come to bed.” So that’s what I started doing and it’s made a big difference. So I encourage you to do the same. Make your kids sleep in their own rooms, sleep with your spouse every night if possible, and teach your kids to respect your privacy.
I’ve heard that the key to a great sex life starts with making sure everything is right outside of the bedroom first. I definitely agree with that! Our sex life has only gotten better since we’ve learned to correctly deal with conflict, made more of an effort to spend quality time with one another, and learned to communicate well. It’s also important for men to understand that women are much more likely to want sex when they’ve been hugged, kissed, rubbed, etc.
If your problem is health issues or a low sex drive, I highly recommend for you to seek help from a doctor. And of course pray about it. If you have done those things and there’s no progress yet, then make sure you remain intimate in other ways. Spend alone time together doing something you both enjoy, cuddle, makeout, and hold hands. If it’s your spouse that has the issue, try to be understanding. And always pray against temptation to watch pornography or have your physical needs met in other ways. For God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous (Heb 13:4).
The other day I was asked this question, “Do you ever think about your husband with the other women during sex?” I replied, “Yes, all the time! It’s a struggle, but I’ve learned to redirect those painful thoughts. Sometimes I pray right before sex that God will protect my mind, and sometimes I pray during sex.”
You may be dealing with the same painful thoughts related to infidelity, or maybe you was sexually abused. Whatever bad experiences you’ve endured, just know that God has the power to free you from the past. Don’t let the enemy control your mind, and believe that in time your troubles will pass. You will forget your misery; you will remember it as water that has passed away (Job 11:16).
My prayer is for all married couples to experience a wonderful sex life; full of love and passion, and performed the way God intended.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! Please subscribe to my email below and I will send you tips on using social media when you’re in a committed relationship. Also you can click the icons below to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!