One of the worst feelings in the world is when you suspect your spouse is cheating. I can remember back to when I first felt that way, and how I about drove myself crazy trying to watch my husband’s every move. I used to check his pockets for phone numbers and receipts, check his emails, try to hack his Facebook account, and wait for him to go to sleep so I could snoop through his phone. Honestly, it was an awful way to live, but I didn’t know what else to do. So this post is for anyone who may be in a similar situation and needs guidance on what to do.
In the society we live in today, you could tell someone you think your spouse is cheating and they would tell you to do all kinds of crazy things. I’ve heard suggestions like hire a private investigator, put a tracker on the car, set up hidden cameras, or make a fake Facebook profile and start a conversation with your spouse. While all those things may help you find out the truth, none of those things are biblical, and none of those things are beneficial for your marriage.
If you truly believe your spouse is cheating, here are 3 things I suggest you do:
- Talk to your spouse
While this may seem like a simple thing to do, most people skip this step and go straight to investigating. I was one of those people. I spent more time trying to figure out stuff, then actually sitting down and talking to my husband about how I felt. Your spouse may not admit to cheating, but its always important in marriage to express how you feel and why. Make sure when you talk to your spouse, you find the right time, the right place, and you speak in a loving, non-judgmental way. Instead of starting sentences off with the word “You”, start sentences with “I”. For example: “I feel this way because… or “I suspect this because… Don’t start accusing your spouse of things you have no proof of because it will only lead to him/her becoming angry and defensive.
“Let your speech always be gracious”…(Col. 4:6).
“….A harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1).
2. Pray for your spouse.
If your spouse is cheating, then that means that they have a serious heart issue going on. They are living in sin, and need to become a new person through Jesus Christ. Even when my marriage was bad, my relationship with God kept me from wanting to sin against Him. I’m not saying that I’m perfect, but a person who has a strong relationship with God will flee from sexual immorality. When my husband cheated, he claimed to be a Christian, but his heart was no where it needed to be with the Lord. He dealt with depression, sexual addictions, lust, and more. He actually made the statement to me, “Cheating had more to do with me and my sin, than it did you.” You need to pray specific prayers for your marriage and your spouse. Here are a few examples:
“Dear Lord, I pray for my husband today. Please help him resist temptation to sin. Please convict his heart of anything he may be doing that’s against your will. I pray that he only desires me, and that he wont lust after other women. Please protect him from Satan’s traps such as pornography, online dating sites, and women who may be trying to come unto him. God bless our marriage, and help us both to stay committed to you and each other. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
“Dear Lord, I pray for my wife today. I pray that she knows who she is in you, and that she won’t feel insecure about the way she looks. Please help her to resist temptation to sin. I pray that she will only look inside our marriage for compliments, flirting, and sexual needs. I pray that she won’t compare me to other men, or lust after men who may seem to her as more successful or better looking. Help her be the wife you called her to be. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
If you spend more time praying for your spouse, instead of trying watch their every move, you might actually see some changes.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phill. 4:6-7).
3. Keep doing your part
One of the things I stress to people the most is to always do what’s right even when your spouse isn’t. You can’t control your spouse’s actions, but you can control yours. No where in the Bible does it say that if our spouse is cheating, that we have the right to sin too. God has called us to show love, respect, to build others up with our words, and to be Holy. That means that no matter what your spouse may or may not be doing in marriage, you are still expected to be the husband or wife God has called you to be. When I first thought my husband was cheating, I distanced myself from him. I stopped kissing him, I talked to him very little, and I never planned anything for us two, I disrespected him, and more. What I did was make the situation worse. I led my husband to believe that I didn’t love him anymore, I didn’t care about our marriage, and that our marriage was over. That gave him NO excuse to sin, but it explains why he was willing to get so involved with someone else. He had no hope that our marriage could survive, because my actions showed that I had given up. The best thing you can do for your marriage no matter what the circumstances are, is keeping following what God’s word says and to keep fighting for your marriage.
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night (Psalms 1:1-2).
If you are in this situation and need encouragement or prayer, please contact me via email at Rachel@transformedwife.com I will be glad to help in any way I can. You can also subscribe to my blog below to updated with future posts.