A couple of weeks ago my husband and I celebrated 9 years of marriage, and a total of 14 years together as a couple. I was so excited about our anniversary, because of everything we’ve conquered in the past year. Honestly, there were many times I wondered if our marriage would survive another day. It seemed as if the enemy had thrown every curve ball he could to try to defeat us and our ministry. Because our anniversary meant so much to us, we made special plans for just the two of us to go out of town. Unfortunately, our plans turned into a disaster before we ever arrived at our destination.
It was the Saturday we were scheduled to leave, and I must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed. My morning started off with me being moody, and nagging at Richie and the kids about getting the house cleaned up. Then I started to work on my Sunday School lesson, and of course it had to be on a subject that was very hard for me: Loyalty. I became emotional quickly, and thought to myself, “Why couldn’t my husband have been loyal to me like he committed to do before God and our family?” The more I studied, the more I wanted to slam the book shut and forget the whole lesson. I knew my day was off to a bad start so I decided to go back to sleep.
When I woke up for the second time, I felt a lot better. Richie was in the living room doing some house work, so I figured my nagging got through to him. I apologized for my ill mood and gave him a kiss. A few hours later I started getting dressed up for our getaway. I wanted to be smoking hot for him, so I put on my sexy red dress, high heels, and curled my hair. I packed away a nice piece of lingerie and a few other romantic things. We took our kids to the babysitter, and off we went. 
After driving for about 30 mins, I remembered that my husband mentioned he needed to talk to me about something. To me, being on the road for a few hours, seemed like a perfect time to talk, but now I wish I would have never brought it up. There were two specific issues he wanted to address with me. Both had to do with our family’s future, and both were related to finances in some way. He never thought it would be a heated discussion, but it didn’t take long for me to blow up in his face.
They say communication is everything in a relationship, and clearly we were not communicating very well. Richie had good intentions, and had come up with some great plans to help our family be successful. All he was looking for was my support and belief in him as the leader of our household. Because I felt like his words were an attack on me, I automatically went into defense mode. I was screaming, being disrespectful, and I had a negative mindset. Everything got out of hand and we ended up in “the crazy cycle” (the crazy cycle is when a husband feels disrespected, he in return doesn’t feel motivated to love his wife. When the wife feels unloved, she in return isn’t motivated to respect her husband). This cycle can go around and around until someone steps up and decides to be the bigger person by showing unconditional love, or unconditional respect.
Before you knew it we both let our anger get out of hand, and said words that were hurtful to one another. I even said a few cuss words, something I never do! (I’m not being self-righteous but those words are not in my vocabulary). I knew for sure I was in the wrong, but I was too stubborn to admit it at the time, and too mad to shut my mouth. Be angry and do not sin (Eph 4:26). Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is for building up…(Eph 4:29).
When we arrived at our condo I was too upset to even get out of the car. I just sat there for a while pouting like a child. Eventually I went in, but I had no desire to be around my husband. I grabbed my swimsuit and went to the pool. We continued to argue through text, but we made no progress in solving our conflict. He tried harder than I did, but my anger mixed with bad memories of Atlanta only made matters worse. It was no surprise to me that in the midst of all that, Satan tried to tempt me. As I laid by the pool a man came up to me and asked if I would like to have a drink with him. I politely declined and said, “No thanks. I don’t drink.” Then he came back a second time and invited me to hang out with him and his friends. Again, I politely declined. I then told Richie I was ready to go home, he agreed, and we got in the car and drove all the way back to Chickamauga.
Although it really bothers me what happened that night, I’m thankful that I can now look back on the situation with a new perspective. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and prevent this from happening to you. Here’s a few tips when dealing with conflict:
- Ask appropriate questions so you can fully understand what your spouse is trying to communicate
- Don’t let misinterpretation put you into defense mode
- Don’t be disrespectful
- Control your anger
- Watch what you say and how you say it
- Redirect negative thoughts
- Don’t bring up the past because you’re upset
- Give no opportunity for the devil (Eph 4:27).
- No when to be silent
- Don’t purposefully hurt your spouse
For more on “the crazy cycle” check out the Love and Respect book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Next week I will share part 2 of this story! Make sure you subscribe to my email so you will be updated on all future posts! You also can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram by clicking the follow icons below.