Getting married is one of the most exciting and anticipated events in a lifetime. For women, we start an early age daydreaming about what kind of dress we will wear, where our ceremony will take place, what color flowers we’ll include in our bouquet, and who are bridesmaids will be. We imagine our husband will be handsome, rich, and the greatest man alive. But who actually thinks about the wedding vows? What they mean and why they are so important? I know I didn’t. I was 13 years old and my husband was 17 the first time he said to me, “I’m going to make you my wife someday.” We had only been dating a few months, but we had a love for each other we thought would never fade away. He was sincere and he kept his promise. We got married 5 years later. At that time, we both didn’t truly understand the lifelong commitment we made to each other and to God.
“I Rachel, take you Richie, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
Those are the vows I said on my wedding day to my husband, in front our pastor, family, friends, and before God. Those are the traditional vows most people speak aloud on their wedding day, but how quickly those vows are broken the minute trouble arises. The minute we realize our spouse is lazy, selfish, dirty, and has gained a few pounds. That there not the perfect person you thought they was, and that phase of trying to impress you dwindled away. I believe most couples predict their marriage will be smooth sailing. That the fact they feel “in love” means they’ve married their soulmate and nothing will get in between the two of them. Well unfortunately, every marriage will go through storms, will face hardships, and will have to endure tough times. It’s during those times that we have to look back and remember the vow we made. To examine our commitment to our spouse and to God. Will we run or will we stay? I wanted to run many times. My husband did too. We both are guilty of breaking our vows. We made excuses like: “God will understand that we were just young and stupid, we just grew up and grew apart.” There were many times in my marriage I didn’t love or cherish Richie. I disrespected him, called him names, put him down, made him least of my priorities, and told him I wanted a divorce. My husband went through bankruptcy, surgery, and job losses, and I was not there for him like I should have been. I was selfish and prideful. I made him feel like he wasn’t capable of leading our family. I didn’t receive my husband as a wonderful gift given to me from God. I took him for granted and justified my actions.
When our marriage hit rock bottom a year ago, I knew that in order for God to restore our relationship, my husband and I was going to have recommit ourselves to one another. To do what we vowed to do from day one of our marriage; to love each other unconditionally, to choose to give our all even when we didn’t feel like it, and to take the role of a godly husband and wife. It wasn’t easy, but God never promised that marriage would be easy. His word says that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..(1 Cor 13:4-8).
On June 9, 2015, which was our 8 year wedding anniversary, Richie and I decided to renew our vows. That day was a very special day for me. Not only had God been transforming me into a better woman and wife, but I fully understand the promise I was making to my husband. I promised him that no matter what, I would never leave his side. That I would love him with a CHRIST like love and forgive him for every mistake he made in the past. That I would keep my focus on all the good qualities about him instead of his flaws and weaknesses. After we said our vows for the second time, we kissed and it was a beautiful moment. Witnessed by several of our close friends and family, we set an example that day. The example that with God all things are possible (Phil 4:13). That no matter what you encounter in marriage, love always wins. But not just the feeling of love, the action of love even in the worst circumstances.
Now my heart breaks every time I hear the word divorce. The word I shouted out so many times when marriage seemed too hard, and I didn’t think I was cut out for being a wife. I asked myself, “Why do people give up so easily on marriage? Why was I willing to give up?” The reason is we believe that there’s someone better out there for us. That the grass is greener on the other side. That once we divorce we will be happier. That’s a lie straight from Satan! He wants us to give up. He wants us to remain blinded to God’s perfect design for marriage, so that we rob ourselves of the most wonderful relationship to be experienced between two human beings. I’m so thankful my husband and I didn’t give up. Satan wants to trick you, but do you not know that the divorce rate only increases as you enter your second marriage? If your marriage is barely surviving and your ready to throw in the towel, I want to encourage you to keep fighting. To realize that God loves to fix broken things and he wants to fix your broken marriage. The first step is asking God to show you how you can change. Not how you’re spouse can change, but you! I can almost guarantee you that if you allow God to show you how to love, honor, and respect your spouse, they will reciprocate it back. So the choice is yours; are you going to sit around waiting for your spouse to change, or are you going to step out in love and prove that you are one hundred percent commited to your marriage?
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord , the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect.” says the Lord Almighty. (Mal 2:16)
“May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverence.”(2 Thess 3:5)
“Sometimes what is hard to take in the first few years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves.”-Kathleen and Thomas Hart
“If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become the bigger and better man.”-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
“A marriage is like a plant. If you feed it, it’ll grow. It you don’t, it’ll die.”-Mort Fertel
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! Please follow me at www.facebook.com/transformedwife and feel free to comment below with questions or concerns or via email Rachel@transformedwife.com