Studies show that anything you do for 21 days in a row becomes a habit. February was approaching, more than 4 weeks had passed, and I was so proud that my husband and I had formed new habits together. He was sleeping in the bed with me every night, I was staying up later than my normal bedtime just to spend alone time with him, and we were having date nights every week. I would send him a text just about every day to say, “Good morning”, “I love you!”, or “I miss you!” My heart would beat fast as I patiently awaited his response. I loved when he would text back words like, “I love you more beautiful, or when he responded with cute little emojis blowing me kisses and smiling at me. Although it made me happy, sometimes it was a painful reminder that just a few weeks prior he was sending those same kind of texts to another woman behind my back.

The more effort I made to show my husband love and affection, the more love and intimacy I felt. I remember saying to him one day, “We are becoming best friends again!” It was true and I was excited about it. We spent our days together sharing stories, telling jokes, being playful, listening to music, watching movies, and opening up to one another in ways we hadn’t in years. We would meet for lunch sometimes just to have a little extra time together. The more I gave myself to him, the more he gave himself to me. For years I thought that the only way I would ever be happily married was to find a different husband, but that’s a lie the devil tries to put in the minds of so many husbands and wives. One day the song “All Along” by Remedy Drive came on the radio. The lyrics reminded me that Richie was everything I needed so I sent them to him. It read, “All along I was looking for something else, you’re something else. All along I was looking for something more, you’re so much more. I can finally see what I could never see before, you’ve always been the one that I was looking for.

Love is such a beautiful thing. The stronger the love gets between Richie and I, the more I wish I would have understood God’s design for marriage sooner than I did. I’m experiencing so much more with my husband now, that not only is our marriage better than ever before, but our kids are happier as they see us being united. One night Richie and I were playing a card game and I told him every time I lose he has to tell me something to make me feel good, and when he loses I will tell him something to make him feel good. Well we both lost a few times each. He said to me, “You are the prettiest girl I’ve ever dated. You are more beautiful now than ever before. When we were going to separate, I thought I would never find another woman like you. I believe in your goals and you can do anything you set your mind to.” I said to him, “When we was at the retreat and I seen you and all the men walking my way, I was glad that out of all those men, you were my husband.” I also told him that I really wanted to slow dance with him months ago when we were at my cousin’s wedding but I was too afraid to ask, and that I was thankful that he has always bought me everything my heart desired such as a house, clothes, jewelry, etc.

I enjoyed flirting with my husband, showing him I wanted him, and catering to his needs. I even gave him a pedicure one night. Some women might think, “Well he is the one who cheated, shouldn’t he be treating you that way?” The truth is, I learned that God expected me to be the wife He called me to be, even if my husband wasn’t doing his part. Luke 6:31 says, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” God holds us accountable for our actions, not our husbands. We can’t say to God, “But Lord he did this and he did that!” God’s concerned about what you do. So ask yourself, “Am I being the best wife I can be?” I decided that I didn’t want to have any more regrets in my marriage so I started treating my husband as if he was the best husband in the world. There were some days the heartache seemed unbearable and I wanted shut my emotions off. I wanted to give my husband what I felt he deserved, a cold shoulder. I wanted to make him fight for my love and my forgiveness, but I couldn’t do it. God’s spirit living within me took over and all I could portray was love and compassion. Galatians 5:22 says, “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” It even says in Psalms that God doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, so why do we feel the need to punish others for their sins?

I spent one Friday night cooking his favorite meal. I told him it was going to be a date night at home and for him to arrive at 8pm. I made steaks, baked potatoes, and salad. I had his favorite bottle of wine cooling in the refrigerator as I went to prepare myself for him. I got ready as if we were going somewhere fancy. I put on a sexy outfit, hot rolled my hair, and sprayed myself down with my cheap perfume. The kids were home but they were ordered to stay in their rooms. I lit candles in the kitchen and living room and set my pandora app to play soft R&B songs. Richie came home and was appreciative that I took the time to set up a romantic evening for the two of us. I told him that I hoped he was content with me. He replied, “I’m more than content!” Did Richie deserve all of this after being unfaithful to me and tearing my heart apart? No, of course not, but I was reminded of all the times I was an unfaithful servant to God, yet He poured out His mercy and grace upon me.

I challenge you today to do something special for your husband. Forget all his wrong doings and the hurt he’s caused you and just love him anyways. Maybe you’re not even sure if he loves you anymore, love him anyways. I leave you with this final scripture, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?” Matt 5:46

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