One of the issues I struggled with the most after my husband’s affair, was blaming myself for his actions. I often thought to myself, “If only I was better wife, he wouldn’t have cheated. If only I gave him more attention he wouldn’t have searched for it elsewhere.” While it’s true I failed in many ways as a wife, I finally came to realize that just like you can’t force a person to change, you also can’t force a person to sin.

Everyone has a choice of how they will react to certain situations, and it all comes down to where their heart is with CHRIST. For example: if my husband refuses to spend time with me, I’m not going to seek companionship with another man, because I don’t want to sin against God. Just because you haven’t been the best wife or the best husband, doesn’t mean your spouse has an excuse to be angry, bitter, unfaithful, use alcohol or drugs, or to leave you. Too many people are living with a guilt they shouldn’t be. Stop blaming yourself for your spouse’s sin!

Now with all that being said, I do want to state that I believe when we fail to do our part as a husband or wife, it opens a door for Satan to tempt us. I’ll use sex for an example. If you refuse to have sex with your spouse, then they’re more likely to be tempted to watch pornography, masturbate, or even have an affair. Do not deprive each other except by perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control (1 Cor 7:5-6). 

Satan knows exactly what he’s doing. Have you ever had a bad argument with your spouse, and then afterwards been approached by someone of the opposite sex? Or how about been complimented on your outfit when your spouse didn’t even notice? Have you ever been asked to go have a drink with friends after a stressful day? All these are tricks from the enemy. He’s not going to try to tempt you when your marriage seems perfect and you just got done praying together as a couple. He’s going to tempt you when your relationship is rocky, you feel like biting his/her head off, and you have emotional and physical needs that aren’t being met. But guess what, it’s still up to us whether we give in to fleshly desires or make the right choice.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Cor 10:13).

But I say, walk by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Gal 5:16).

If you’re spouse is making bad choices right now, please believe that’s it has nothing to do with you. I’m not saying your perfect and haven’t made mistakes that caused damage to your marriage, but your spouse has a heart issue. The best thing you can do for them is pray. Pray without ceasing (1 Thess 5:17). Next I encourage you to work on yourself. Ask God to show you what role you played in hurting the marriage. Whether it was the words you said, the rejection you showed, or actions you took. And then change that.

There were times in my marriage when my husband made bad choices, even when I was being a great wife. In confusion I questioned why. He answered, “It had nothing to do with you. I was dealing with my own sin.”

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