I’ve read that emotional affairs can be just as hurtful and damaging to your marriage as a physical love affair.  After finding out about my husband’s seven week Facebook affair, I was finding that statement to be true. Although my relationship with my husband was getting stronger, for months my mind was tormented with endless thoughts of Richie and the other woman. Every day I spent hours thinking about questions I still had about their relationship. I wondered if he loved her, if they had ever met, if they had sex, if he complimented her the way he used to compliment me, and if he only chose to give our marriage one more chance because of our kids. I was an emotional train wreck. Every night I couldn’t sleep, so I would spend my time searching through his phone. I hated living like that! I was always in fear that he was still talking to her, or that I was going to find out something I didn’t already know. I would even clean my house in fear that I was going to find another condom or something that would be another piece to the puzzle. I prayed to God all day! I asked him to help me. I didn’t want to be so mistrusting and always looking over my shoulder. I wondered how I could be so happy, yet so miserable at the same time. Yes I was happy, happy because my husband and I were connecting in ways we hadn’t in years. I felt like I was falling in love with him all over again. I looked forward to coming home and spending every evening with him. I daydreamed about his kisses and the way he touched me, but it also put thoughts in my head that maybe he kissed her and touched her the same way.

I wanted to show Richie how much he meant to me, so I went out and bought him a gift. It felt good buying my husband something for no other reason than the fact that I love him. For years I had spent so much time thinking about the kids and what they would like to have, that I quit spending money on Richie. He was excited when I gave it to him, but I could still tell he was guarding his heart. He made the statement that the changes in me were too good to be true, but didn’t he believe in miracles? Yes I call it a miracle. God was transforming me into the wife He called me to be. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will. That was happening in my life. God was showing me His will. I was learning how to love my husband, make him a priority, and be a biblical wife even through the hurt and pain he caused me. For years I thought I was waiting on God to “fix” my husband and help me fall in love with him again, when actually God was waiting on me to change and to love Richie even when I didn’t feel like it. Now I realize that love is more than a feeling, it’s also an action, and the more love you show the more love you will feel. I started writing Richie love notes, sending him random texts, calling him more, buying his favorite foods, cooking for him, and showing interest in his interests. He always enjoyed working out, so I bought him a gym membership and went to workout with him. It made him so happy that for once I was focusing on him and his needs. I even spent my lunch breaks researching ways to be a better wife. I was determined to make my husband happy and there was no turning back to my old ways. My heart was still broken, but I knew that God had a plan. I knew that God had allowed a tragic event to take place in my life to shape me, mold me, and make me stronger than ever before. Even when we don’t understand God’s wisdom, we have to trust His will.

One day I was at work and I was telling my friend how God was changing me. I explained how my husband and I was happier than ever before and how God was really doing a work in our lives. I was so excited just thinking about what God was going to do next. I shared the good news with our couple’s class teacher and asked him if he could challenge the class members to do something special for their spouse, like write a love letter or tell their spouse three reasons why they love them. In my mind if the steps I was taking to fix my marriage were working, then perhaps they would work for other couples. I guess my little suggestion made the devil mad. Later that week I was driving down the road and I pulled up to the red light. As I was sitting there thinking about God’s goodness, I looked over and in the car right next to me was the woman who my husband had an affair with. Seeing her in person felt like the devil spit in my face! I said to God, “Why am I being tormented? How am I ever going to get over this if the devil keeps throwing her up in my face?” I wanted to follow her and pull over when she did. There were so many things I wanted to ask her but I knew it would only make the situation worse. I was happy in my marriage and I didn’t want to ruin our progress. At that time in my life I felt like I would never be able to overcome my hardship. There were times I begged God to take my pain away, but deep down I knew that God was going to use everything the devil meant to harm me for good.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4: 8-9

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1: 2-3

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