My heart began to pound like I was running a marathon. My stomach was in knots. I thought to myself, “Did I just hear that? Did my husband just admit that he took another woman to Atlanta?” I didn’t want it to be true! My perfectly planned Valentine’s weekend was turning into a nightmare! I began asking him questions as soon as they came into my head.

“Did you have sex with her?” I asked.

“No, I never did.” He replied.

“Why didn’t you? Was it because you couldn’t?”

“It was the first time I met her Rachel, we didn’t have sex.”

“What about the condom I found in the house? Was it yours?”

“I swear to you, I do not know where that condom came from.”

“Well where did you take her?”

“We went to the Motor Speedway place not to far from here.”

“Did you kiss her?”

“Yes we kissed.”

“Was it like one kiss when you took her back home?”

“No, we kissed. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Did you ever meet her again?”

“No I never had a chance to.”

My heart was absolutely shattered at that moment but I did what I knew God wanted me to. I said, “I forgive you.” and I wrapped my arms around him. He then said to me, “I’m sorry. Can we please stop talking about this and go and have a good day.” I told him yes and I went and got in the bath tub. I sat there and imagined the two of them together. I imagined him holding her hands, flirting with her, and kissing her like he did me. Those kind of thoughts pierced right through my heart. The emotional pain I felt was the worst feeling I’d ever experienced. I picked up the wash cloth and held it over my face as I sobbed like a newborn baby. I wanted to just lay there and soak in self-pity all day. Richie came to the door and knocked asking if I was ok in there. I told him I was, but I wasn’t. I got out and got dressed so we could head out to the mall. When we got in the car all I could think about was how I was sitting in the seat she sat in. I wondered what their conversation consisted of during the drive to Atlanta. I thought, “Did they have sex in this car? Is this where they made love? What did she wear? How many times did she sat in my spot?” Yes that was my spot! I’m his wife! I’m the one that deserved to be my husband’s side while he’s driving not her! I began to let anger rise up in me but I held in it and didn’t say a word.

We arrived at the mall and went in several different stores but my mind wasn’t on shopping. I couldn’t have cared less about buying something new for myself. My whole world felt like It was falling apart and I just needed someone to talk to. I told Richie I had to go to the bathroom but really I just wanted to be alone so I could call my sister. I just needed a shoulder to cry on, but no one was there. Calling her only made it worse. As we was talking, her husband walked in with a brand new ring he bought her for Valentines. She was full of joy and I wanted to be happy for her but I was miserable. Richie wanted lunch soon after, but I was in no mood for eating. I sat and watched him eat and he could tell I wasn’t ok. I told him I was sorry for bringing everything up on a special day but I didn’t know how to control what I was feeling. He said he understood.

When we got back to the condo we decided to go workout. I was not emotionally stable and I had to run to the bathroom a few times just to cry. Still I treated Richie the way I had been treating him the past several weeks. I held his hand, gave him kisses, and even flirted with him. It was not easy but I was determined to not go backwards in my marriage. I wanted to stay focused on what Richie and I had accomplished. I didn’t want anything to destroy that. After our workout we went back to our room and I laid down and tried to nap. I still had a few questions I just couldn’t resist asking. I texted him and said, “Are you being completely honest about everything? I feel like there is more to the story.” He replied, “I’m not going to go into detail about me and her because it’s in the past. Let’s live in the present.” But didn’t he realize that not knowing seemed worse than knowing. My mind wanted to put images in my head that maybe never happened, but how would I know what was truth unless he was willing to tell me. I wanted to know but I didn’t. I was torn. I wanted to send her a message asking her questions but I was scared I would only hurt myself more. He told me that day he was over her and he never thought about her unless I brought her up, but that wasn’t the case for me. I thought about her everyday. I kept telling myself, “Whatever happened doesn’t matter now. He chose me! He chose our marriage!”

That night after waking up from a long nap, I had a decision to make. I was either going to enjoy the alone time with my husband despite what had happened, or I was going to lay there and be full of sorrow. I decided that I was going to get up out of that bed and do what I had planned on all along. I put on my sexy lingerie, fixed my hair, got into my heels, and approached my husband. I think he was shocked when he woke up and seen what I was trying to do. I was pushing through the pain and I was willing to do whatever it took to make him happy. Having sex with him that night was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I don’t regret it. I learned from the Bible not to treat people the way they deserve to be treated, but to treat them the way God says to. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate towards each other, forgiving one another, just as Christ has forgiven you.”

I had always dreamed at eating at the Cheesecake Factory. All my friends had told me how wonderful the food was there. We already had plans to go late that evening so we went. While I was looking on the online menu, I picked out everything I wanted to order. After arriving at the restaurant I completely lost my appetite. Watching other couples there hold hands, laugh, and enjoy a romantic dinner together, only made my situation worse. I was so sick at my stomach I couldn’t even drink my tea or enjoy the bread brought to the table. I felt like I was going to vomit and I rushed to the bathroom but nothing came out. Tears streamed from my eyes and I began crying out to God, “Lord please help me! Take this pain away and see me through this!”

God did help me that weekend and he has helped me in every part of my life. I thank him for comforting me and strengthening me in ways that only He can do. Unfortunately, there was more to the story and I had to rely on God like never before but I found Joy in the midst of it all!

….weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles..2 Cor 1:3-4