There’s a lot of advice I can give you to help you change your marriage, but there’s one particular thing that I believe is so important in life and in relationships, and that is the ability to control your thoughts.
The reason it’s so important is because Satan’s biggest battlefield is in our minds. He wants to fill our heads with lies, negativity, doubt, fear, suspicions, and the past. If we allow Satan to keep our minds occupied on those things, it will rob us of peace and joy, and keep us from being the husbands and wives God called us to be.
Now you may be thinking, how can I control my thoughts? I can’t help what comes to my mind? While it’s true some thoughts may come to your mind that you don’t want to think about, you still have the ability to cast those thoughts out. The Bible tells us that whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if there is anything worthy of excellence and praise, think about those things (Phil 4:8).
Often times the enemy will try to bring up my husband’s past failures. When I allow my focus to remain on that, then it changes my mood and leaves me feeling unmotivated to love my husband. It leaves me feeling insecure and wondering if my husband really loves me. So here’s what I do to redirect a negative mindset:
1) Pray and ask God to renew my mind
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will (Rom 12:2).
2) Speak the word of God out loud
When Satan tried to tempt Jesus in the wilderness, Jesus spoke the word of God out loud against Satan’s lies. (See Matt 4:1-7)
In order to do this we must study the Bible and know the promises of God. When the thought comes to your mind that your marriage won’t work out, say, “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…(Rom 8:28).
When the thought comes to your mind that you will never be anything in life, say, “God declares that He knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me, not to harm me, but to give me hope and a future (Jer 29:11).
When the thought comes to your mind that you and your spouse have too bad of a past to move forward, say, “God says forget the former things! Do not dwell on the past! See He is doing a new thing!” (Isa 43:18-19).
3) Give praise and thanksgiving
We can sit around feeling sorry for ourselves, and dwelling on everything that’s gone wrong in our marriages, or we can choose right thinking! We can choose to praise God and give thanks! We can choose to focus on every step of progress. We can choose to focus on the good things about ourselves and our spouses. We can choose to be grateful for our marriages (even if they aren’t where they need to be). Every time I start to have wrong thinking, I began to praise God. It always brings me so much joy, and reminds me of God’s goodness.
Joyce Meyer stated in her book Battlefield of the mind, “If we don’t learn to control our thoughts, our thoughts will control our emotions, our words, and our actions.”
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