Often I talk with husbands and wives who are truly doing everything they can to make their marriages work. They have surrendered their hearts to Christ, spend hours praying for their spouses, love unconditionally, and study God’s word for wisdom and guidance. But still their spouses make them feel rejected, betrayed, unloved, disrespected, and mistreated. They struggle with hope and faith, and began to question, “Will my spouse ever change?” I wish I could see into the future so that I could give them an answer, but the only one who knows is God.

I do know without a doubt that anyone can be changed. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come (2 Cor 5:17). But reality is there are husbands and wives whose hearts have become hardened, they refuse to change, and they choose fleshly desires over God’s will for their lives. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart (Eph 4:18).

If you’re in this situation and your ready to give up on your marriage, let me encourage you to do two things:

1. Continue being a godly husband or wife. You may think that sounds a bit crazy and wonder what’s the point, but remember who you serve. If your living your life to please God, then even if your spouse don’t appreciate a single thing you do, God will honor you for it. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord CHRIST you are serving (Col 3:24). Also, by remaining committed and faithful to your marriage, you can motivate your spouse to change. So that if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives (1 Peter 3:1-2).

2. Pray and seek God like never before. Since God is the only one who knows what His plan is for our lives, and whether or not our spouse will change, it’s crucial that we have a personal relationship with him. Thinking back to the time my husband and I were going to separate, I wonder how different my life would have turned out had I not prayed to God. Over and over, God has clearly told me not to leave my husband but to persevere. I know everyone’s situation is different, and there are exceptions for divorce in the Bible, but ultimately you have to seek God’s will for you as an individual.

Whatever your circumstance is just remember to do your part as a husband or wife, pray for your spouse, and trust God to do the rest. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Prov 3:5). 

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