I was lying in the bed one evening watching a romantic movie, and as the couple on the screen begin to make out, I remember thinking to myself why can’t I have that? Why can’t my marriage be like that? At the time, I didn’t feel the butterflies in my stomach like I once did when I first met my husband. I didn’t feel passionate about hugging, kissing, or even having sex with him. I was no longer motivated to do things for him like I once did such as: buying him gifts for no apparent reason, setting up romantic date nights, writing him love notes and poems, or wearing sexy lingerie. We had become like two ships passing in the night, and our conversations had dwindled down to the subjects of kids, finances, and our careers. In my mind I was convinced that there was absolutely no way to ever feel the way I did about my husband when we first met, and there was no way to get back the excitement, the passion, and the butterflies. But the devil is a liar, and I had believed his lies for way too long!
After God transformed me as a wife, renewing my heart and my mind, I discovered that instead of spending all my time watching romantic movies and daydreaming what it would be like to feel that way again, I could experience it on my own. I discovered that I didn’t need another man or a new relationship to feel that way again, all I needed to do was take action. The action I took not only made me fall in-love with my husband again, but it also showed me what true love is all about. And believe me when I say that most movies you see on the television screen have it all wrong.
Here are the keys to help you fall in-love with your spouse again:
1) Learn to see your spouse the way God does (See Differently)
When I first met my husband I didn’t know about all his bad habits and his weaknesses, I only knew how he acted around me. Once we moved in together I could finally see all his imperfections and it started to change the way I felt about him. I easily let myself become fixated on everything bad about my husband instead of the goodness in him. Eventually, I learned to see my husband the way God sees me, and it changed our marriage. God showed me that although I am imperfect and fall short daily, He loves me,pursues me, and desires a relationship with me. Knowing that God loves me in such a way, motivated me to love my husband in the same way and see him through eyes of grace. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12).
2) Love even when you don’t feel like it (Act Differently)
If you sit around all day waiting on a feeling before you show love to your spouse, your marriage could fall apart in the process. I used to say things like, “I don’t feel like kissing him” or “I don’t feel having sex”, but eventually I found out that if I would just do what I vowed to do and what God’s Word commands, the feelings would come back. When I made the choice to take my husband out on dates, spend quality time with him, initiate sex, etc. despite how I felt, it reminded me of the reasons I fell in-love with him in the first place and all those feelings started rushing back. So stop waiting on a feeling, and start showing love to your spouse anyways! “Let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18).
3) Believe the truth (Think Differently)
The Bible says, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32). The truth about love is it was never meant to be all about fairy-tales, fantasies, and based on just feelings. True love (agape love) is based on commitment; the choice to love unconditionally. When you realize that your marriage is a life-long commitment and God never intended for you to have a back-up plan (divorce), you will do whatever it takes to love your spouse the way God commands you to. True love makes us more like Christ. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor. 13:4-7). Movies and people can sometimes make you believe that if you don”t “feel” it, it must not be true love, but if you begin to study what true love is according to God’s Word, you won’t need a butterfly in your stomach to feel in-love with your spouse you will be “in-love” all the time.
The sad news is many people are divorcing because they simply don’t feel in-love anymore. They usually end up remarrying because they find excitement and passion with someone else, but then after a while they find themselves in the same situation. The cycle can only be broken when a person learns how to see differently, act differently, and think differently.
Thank you for taking time to read my blog! Please share with someone in need. For questions or concerns you can email me at Rachel@transformedwife.com. Dont’ forget to follow me on Facebook at facebook.com/transformedwife