I was raised in a little small Pentecostal church where everybody knew one another, and as far back as I can remember I have always had a love for God. My husband on the other hand was not raised in church, but learned about God from his grandmother who was full of faith. When we started dating, my family and I had stopped going to church and I was a wild teenager who was partying, clubbing, drinking, smoking weed, and having sex. After dating my husband for nearly two years, I became pregnant with my first son at the age of only fifteen. It was then that I decided I had to rededicate my heart to God and change my lifestyle for good.
With the help of my mother-in-law, my husband and I (he was just a boyfriend then)started attending church together for the first time. Since I was trying to live right in the eyes of God, I begged Richie to marry me because I couldn’t stand the guilt and shame I felt from living and having sex with a man I wasn’t married to. When we got married, we had been attending church together so I was sure everything would be okay, boy was I wrong!
Early in our marriage my love for God began to grow stronger and stronger. Before I knew it my life became about more than just going to church on Sunday; my life was filled with reading God’s Word, praying, serving in church, and worshiping. The only problem was I noticed my husband wasn’t growing with me. In church I would be singing my heart out with my hands lifted high, while my husband sat there in silence and his hands in his pocket. I couldn’t understand it; how could he show no emotions when the presence of the Lord was moving. Before I knew it my husband would make excuses to get out of church on Sundays. It seemed like every Sunday he had a headache, a stomach ache, he would pick a fight with me, or he was just too tired. I tried to not let it bother me, but it did, a lot!
I can remember times when I would see other couples worshipping together at church or serving together and jealousy began to settle in my heart. I wanted that! I can remember thinking “If only I were married to a Pastor. Or at least a man who would love God like I do.” Eventually I became bitter; bitter that I didn’t have a husband who longed to go deeper with God like I did, who didn’t worship God like I did, or serve like I did. The truth is I became self-righteous and it caused my husband to resent the very part of me that was supposed to make him love me even more. I was that wife who went to church every Sunday and showed grace and mercy to everyone, but judged my own husband. I thought I was better than him and he knew it. When we would argue, he would always say things like, “Why don’t you just go find you a Pastor, that’s what you want anyways.” It was awful! Because of my actions, my husband always felt like he wasn’t good enough.
My self-righteousness played a big part in the process of my husband and I growing apart. But when God transformed me as a wife, I learned to love my husband with Christ like love; I learned to love him right where he was in his walk with God. You see for years I thought that if I had a husband who was more spiritual than me he would lead me closer to Christ. But the truth is because my husband isn’t more spiritual than me, I have had to learn to be more like Christ. When Jesus was on Earth He ate with sinners. He showed loved to the greedy tax collectors. He got close to the men with leprosy. He showed mercy to the woman caught committing adultery. So who am I to look down on my very own husband because he sins differently than me? Because he doesn’t live up to my standards?
To this day, my husband and I are complete opposites. I go to church every Sunday, he goes most Sundays. I serve every Sunday, he doesn’t serve at all. I’m loud during worship, and he is quiet. I love worship music, he likes some of it. But my husband loves God and he has changed in so many other ways. He was completely delivered from pornography and sex addiction, he now prays out loud, and he now shares with me how he wants our life to glorify God. So although my husband isn’t the spiritual leader I always dreamed of, he is still a Christian, and he is still my husband who I am called to love, honor, and respect.
I used to wonder what my life would be like had I married a Pastor, but that’s not my story and comparison is Satan’s way of stealing our joy. My story is I am a wife who has truly learned what it means to love unconditionally. I have become closer to God because of my husband, and for that I’m thankful. I do not give up hope that one day my husband will be everything God desires him to be and he will the spiritual leader for our family, but until that day comes, I will love my husband right where he’s at and I hope you will do the same in your marriage.
“Treat a man as he is and he will remain that man. Treat a man as the man you know he can become, and he will become that man.”-Unknown