I’ve debated whether or not to share this story with you all, because it’s something that happened before Richie and I were married. But although it was before he even put a ring on my finger, it effected my husband and our marriage in ways I never would have imagined.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was sitting in an old recliner in our living room watching tv and Richie’s cousin was sitting across from me on the couch. Since he lived right next door to us, it had become the normal for him to hang out at our house. I didn’t mind his company because I was usually alone while Richie was busy working second shift. But day after day, and conversation after conversation, I began to develop inappropriate feelings for him. I tried to fight them off, but on that day I gave in to the temptation. I cut the tv off, told him how I felt, and in the blink of an eye I cheated on the man I love. The man who provided for me, cared for me, loved me, and wanted to make me his wife.

For the next couple of months I did whatever it took to be with his cousin. I snuck around, lied, and continued to betray Richie. I was so selfish and so careless. I didn’t even consider how my actions would eventually effect me and others involved. The day Richie found out he was angry, hurt, and in shock. But even in the midst of all his emotions he was dealing with, never once did he say he didn’t want to be with me anymore. In fact, it was the opposite. I told him I was in-love with his cousin, and that’s who I wanted to be with. He begged me to change my mind and told me he would stand in the way if I tried to pursue that relationship. I stayed with Richie, but I struggled with my feelings.

Several weeks went by and Richie and I were trying to repair our relationship. I was feeling remorseful for what I had done, but there were consequences for me to face. I was pregnant and I didn’t know who the father was. I remember us having to sit down with Richie’s family, with my family, and his cousin explaining the situation. I felt shame, guilt, and fear of what the future held. It was a very difficult time in my life. I was only 15 years old and more confused than ever.

At first I’d hoped that the child would be his cousin’s because my heart was still with him. But later on in my pregnancy I realized just how much Richie meant to me, and I couldn’t fathom the thought of him not being the father. I was excited at times and depressed at other times. Richie went to all my doctor’s appointments and was there for me like no one else was. I asked him, “Will you still be with me, if the baby isn’t yours?” He said, “I don’t know.” My eyes were filled with tears. I was mad at myself for the situation I had put us both in.

During that time, I started going to church and rededicated my life to Christ. I was desperate for God’s guidance and a new direction. One day I cried out to God, “Lord I can’t take not knowing who the father of my child is. This is the worst feeling in the world. I need you to help me. If Richie is the father please give me a sign.” Immediately I felt my son’s kick for the first time ever. I knew it was God’s sign! Richie had little faith and didn’t believe me, but it was confirmed by the DNA test a few weeks after I gave birth.

After we made it through all that and got married a few years later, I was sure our troubles were over. Boy was I wrong! Although Richie told me he had forgiven me, he never really did, and our marriage suffered tremendously. Every time we got into a fight he reminded me of my past mistakes. Every time he did something wrong he justified his actions by throwing up the fact that I had cheated. For years I was called a slut and much more. It was the one mistake I could never get away from. I had completely changed, but all Richie could see was that young girl who gave into sin. Because he never truly forgave me, he used what I had done as an excuse to get revenge.

I’ve heard the saying that “hurt people, hurt people.” I believe that’s true in a lot of cases. But it shouldn’t be the case in a life of a christian. God’s word says, Do not repay evil for evil. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord (Rom 12: 17&19). 

It was bad enough I went months not knowing who I was pregnant by. Having to tell others that I was 15, pregnant, unmarried, and needed the doctor to removed blood from my son’s umbilical cord when he was born to perform the DNA test. To me that was enough to make me promise God I would never in my life do anything like that again. And I kept my word. Besides dealing with a few bad thoughts of lust in my mind, I have been completely faithful to Richie since then.

Now the tables are turned and I’m the one having to forgive Richie for cheating. I do forgive him. I refuse to let this cycle continue. I will be the bigger person and show compassion and mercy. I won’t hold a grudge. I don’t seek to get revenge. I won’t throw up his failures in his face. I won’t use what he did as an excuse to be anything less than the wife God has called me to be. I told the Lord just the other day, “There’s nothing I can do or Richie can do to change the past. It’s time to move forward. Help me to let go of everything he’s done that’s hurt me. Help me to forgive. We can have a great marriage now and a great future together no matter what we’ve been through.” The same is true for you! I don’t care what you and your spouse have done before marriage, in past relationships, or in your own marriage. It does not define your future! Sure certain circumstances will cause heartache, anger, mistrust, grief, etc. But it’s nothing God can’t get you through. And there’s no excuse to stay in those emotions. Make a vow today to NEVER bring up the past again unless it’s for sharing your testimony and helping others. “The Brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past”-unknown  

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Col 3:13). 

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